Fifty Shades of Grey – 2014

“Literature student Anastasia Steele’s life changes forever when she meets handsome, yet tormented, billionaire Christian Grey.”

Both the book and then the film were massively hyped and promoted and financially very successful despite the moral outrage it seemed to cause. Whilst I’m not about to write an article about the problems with depicting women as weak or rape culture and all the other debates this film caused I will write about how truly dreadful it is from a relatively neutral, open minded perspective of someone who has watches between 5-10 films a week from every single genre because this film does deserve a scathing review from everybody who watches it.

I’ll start off with the casting of Jamie Dornan and Dakota Johnson. Firstly I find neither of them particularly attractive. Jamie Dornan has a good body and everything but his voice doesn’t match his face and his face doesn’t match his body and it’s just very offputting. Dakota Johnson is just cute. Not hot, not sexy, certainly not irresistible and along with Jamie Dornan, not suited to the role in the slightest. Now together they’re even worse. There was a lot of speculation going around that they didn’t get on at all during filming and it showed, there was absolutely no chemistry between them at all. I’m not one to find sex during a film uncomfortable but some of the scenes in this were just plainly awkward.

I’m assuming the story is pretty accurate in relation to the book. I can’t say I got particularly far in my reading of it but from what I did read it all seemed to coincide so the producers, directors and writers can’t be completely blamed for just how appalling the storyline was. I would say the ending was anti-climactic but there was never really any feel of it building up to anything so it fit in pretty well with the rest of the truly remarkably bad film. I will inevitably watch the sequel with about as much shame as I watched this one and I can imagine a similar review will follow that one as it is just a badly written, distasteful set of stories. How it managed to get as high as 4.2 on IMDb I will never know because it really is astonishingly atrocious.

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